Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
