my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
