At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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