He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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