Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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