Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
