Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
