I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
