we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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