as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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