walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
