dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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