Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize