I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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