Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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