Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize