If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
