TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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