I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
