pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
