I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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