I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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