It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
