You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
