Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
