Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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