oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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