he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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