and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
