when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
