If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can I color on your dick again?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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