I will die if light touches me.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Too much gin, very little bucket
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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