was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
