is your mom at the bar?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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