ya dads aren't the best wingmen
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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