I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
