My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
