i already hear my dad disowning me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
