Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My vagina just clenched in fear
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
