i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
