Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
