I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's never too late to be topless.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
