Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
