Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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