You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
