if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
