can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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