How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
