life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
