dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
