WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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