FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize