I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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