Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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