he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
