FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
