In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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