I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize