How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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