Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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