All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
