I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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