her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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