I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
