is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
