I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize