Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
