I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
