wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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