Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize