fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sext me about skeletons
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
