He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
