i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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