Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
