Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
