Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
