Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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