so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
