For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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