I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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