My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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