dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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