Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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