Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
