Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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