you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
