i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
