i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
