my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
