There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize