Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
