peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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