Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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