Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i dont even know how to be here
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
