Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
