Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You're earring is so big in my mouth
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
