Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
