yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
