OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
