Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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